Posts tagged with “parenting”

15 May

The Road - the novel

The-road.jpg

 

I was very annoyed not to make it to the last reading group meeting at the library on Tuesday. our book for April had been “The Road” by Cormac McCarthy, about which there was quite a hoopla when a movie was brought out on the back of it.

There has been something of a zeitgeist lately for apocalyptic cinema, but this was different, this was a novel. What a novel it turned out to be too. It is not a weighty tome and when people had talked about the movie I had noticed they said “nothing much happens”. Well I suppose one could say the same of the book’s narrative, but that would be both to miss the point and to underestimate the lasting power this book and the writing in it had, at least for me.

A son is born at the moment mankind has unleashed the worst of all terrors, Armageddon in the shape of a nuclear holocaust. This becomes apparent around midway through the book, but all we are presented with is a father and a boy (we do not even realise they are related to start with) who are forced to survive in a world which is in all likelihood ending. They are travelling the road across America to follow the sun for survival.

I suspect many of my friends at the library will have found the subject matter and incidental images (like barbecued babies) a little hard to swallow (sic), but somehow when you are immersed it is possible to get past that.  Yes, at times it feels as though you are in some awful horror movie (only this time really scaring the pants of you!), but the part that is really frightening is not the dreadful images, rather the feeling this is all too real.  For some reason (God forbid) it seems quite feasible that if there were nothing to eat and no moral authority to prevent it one might find people forced to cultivate and eat other less fortunate people as food - hard to swallow in the context of a blog, but in the context of this text it briefly seems all too possible and that is SCARY!

There is a good deal of dialogue, but again not a lot is said, and yet the weight of the language is well measured. Only once did I notice Cormac using writerly prose and this was reserved for the closing paragraph if memory serves, when he talks of a trout with the world engraved in it’s scales.  This was imagery that had cropped up personally for the lead character in the book earlier and I loved the resonance.  Although I would normally have found this paragraph far too over-reaching and obscure it was very fitting in the context it was deployed.

The Pulitzer prize has it’s roots in journalism and this book has the feel to me of being written by a master of the craft of journalism - I cannot applaud too highly this novel and the way it does what it does so well - you may be horrified by the subject but the book remains a true work of outstanding literature that I think will stand the test of time.

Polar Bear

So last weekend we went to see “Polar Bear” by Mark Haddon and I was really looking forward to it.  I had been quite disappointed to hear initially that we could not get seats, which also surprised me because I had it on good authority that the reviews were quite mixed.  So all the more exciting to be going and even taking a friend along and dinner to follow after the matinee.  Sadly our friend’s partner was called away to Mexico City, and I think he missed out on something he may very well have enjoyed a great deal.

There is no interval and the performance is an hour and a half, but after seeing it I can quite see how no break is a necessary part to the entire piece.  The narrative is not chronological and as a result a break could add to any confusion.  I loved the set and the way it worked, it was not quite “in the round” but it had that feeling to it.  No one actor “upstaged” any other, though Celia Imrie’s performance was masterful, if you can use that word in the context.  I was embarrassed on entering the foyer to get her name wrong and think it was Imelda Staunton.

If I had to single any one actor as impressing me it would actually be the female lead though.  She played the part of Kelly who as it turns out is the manic depressive in the play.  When the play starts she is in fact dead, or at least we are led to believe so. As the narrative moves along and back and forth in time I personally began to wonder if there was some ambiguity on that score, if in fact her husband had become deranged and she was actually in Oslo and not the body in the cellar.

Our friend noticed and we all agreed that since we realise bipolar disorder is a big part of the play then we all thought the husband was the person affected by it (and of course he was, but only indirectly).  It is not until the change in scene that it becomes apparent Kelly is the primary focus for the bipolar, though there is the shadow of her father and his depressive suicide hanging over the whole play menacingly.

Later we have a Jesus figure (several perhaps!), and I especially loved the scene where he said true love is when the person you love does not know your name and went on to itemise the stages of decomposition of a corpse and the associated “symptoms”. This was interesting, the husband is a philosophy professor and I felt we were being played with for Mr Haddon to display a knowledge of the subject on a par with mine (IE very amateur!).  Mark Haddon always manages to irritate me at some level, and in this play it was the mention of a coach tour through the philosophers of the ages and the “stopping at Kierkegaard for someone to be sick” which I thought was a cheap laugh (I have a LOT of respect for the Dane).

On leaving the theatre none of us could understand the poor reviews - apparently it was slated by quite a few critics - but since we believed there were good reviews too we settled on the play having “bipolar reviews”!  Over dinner I asked everyone what they thought they would remember from the play (we had all enjoyed it thoroughly).  For me ultimately it is the subject of suicide, mental disorder, family, and the ensuing trauma from the act and ripples down the generations that shall be my abiding interest and memory.

 

16 January

The Secret Scriptures

One could be forgiven for thinking that this book might fall into the Dan Brown/Da Vinci code “genre” to go by the title, but you’d be wrong.  There is a narrative device of two journals which alternate and one of these is necessarily hidden away and secret.  Perhaps secret is the wrong word, but there is a big “secret” which is only revealed towards the end of the book.  It is hard for me to talk about plot specifics without revealing this secret without “spoiling” the plot.

I was really quite taken with the way this book covers the sweep of an entire century, yet does so in a very engaging way by literally covering the life story of a woman from the last century to this.  All this in the context of Ireland.  There always seem to be questions I am left asking myself after reading a book, and I think the more of them I have usually is a pretty reliable indicator as to how good the book is or at least how much it engaged me.

For this book one question was if Sebastian Barry were Irish and another was whether he started the book with the ending in mind and some sort of plot outline.  For the former a quick google has revealed that he was Dublin born and is indeed Irish, as I expected since the book is immersed in Irish culture and history which was one of the reasons I so enjoyed it.  This also enabled me to learn a lot of history and background both of the troubles and of the recent revelations of abuse cases endemic in Ireland and a few other island nations (such as the island of Jersey where a residential childrens’ facility apparently had many many historic abuse cases).

As to where he started his planning of the book - well Google is less revealing of course and we can likely only speculate.

But this does lead me to the last thing I am curious about, which is how many readers are surprised by the final “twist” to the plot.  As the interleaving narratives progress we are left wondering if they will overlap in any other way than their perspectives on Roseanne’s life (it is told in the first person from the beginning and in third person from the end).  The third person is not the narrator per se, but another character in the book.  I found this plot device immensely satisfying and it gave Mr Barry a lot of opportunity to show what a fine writer he is.

To conclude - thoroughly recommended!  And please please do leave a comment to let me know if you were totally surprised as you finished the book or if you, like me, had intimations as to what was to be revealed before it was!

9 November

Isabel’s poem

This was written by my daughter at the weekend, I shall photograph the original text and post it, but this is my version typed as faithfully as I can:-

Look! a leaf
Scrunkling my life away.

Look! a rabbit hole
Like a bowl
Eating my life away.

Look!…a nest
Like a bed
Sleeping my life away

Look at the green grass
Like  a bean
I roll my life away

Isabel Eleanor Amelia Wrighton, November 2009.

23 May

Underground

I may have mentioned Tobias Hill in an earlier post but since then have read his first published novel. The title of “Underground” works on two levels, it is both the London Underground and a more murky underground in the past; a subteranian incident from our protagonist’s childhood.  It could even be argued that the sub-plot from childhood is using the term “underground” in another sense, the one of the shadey dealer who is not legitimate.

The writing is probably even more strikingly original than it was for “The Cryptographer” which I have already mentioned (see that earlier post of mine).  I especially enjoyed the way we are given to understand the attraction between the feral female who he finds inhabiting the underground and the subsequent play on our emotioons when we discover she is not all we might have hoped for.  But this plot development is entirely necessary in the context.

And it is this context, one of childhood and the abuse that can occur there, both from monstrous parents and from others who are not parents but perhaps even more monstrous, it is this which forms the actual “meat” of the novel.  I truly loved the way these issues are explored tangentially and yet the plot remains one of a gripping thriller which accelerates towards the ending with a born and assured gifted writers natural grace of expression.

There is a new person in my life, and she suffers a degenerative eye condition ( retinitis pigmentosa) which means that her vision is already severaly compromised and will eventually fail entirely.  Although at the time of reading I was not thinking about this, with the benefit of hindsight I am finding all sorts of resonances with that.  He seems to find both loneliness and comfort in the darkness.  He wants to be alone and at the same time recognises it as a special quality, and not necessarily a healthy one.  I think it is no accident that the flourescent light which is his only source of illumination at times is coming from a watch his father gave him as a boy, one which incidentally bore the image of Stalin’s head on the watchface.  Many times in the story being in the absolute darkness of the underground, be it a mineshaft or a train tunnel, is used as a great way to sharpen our sense of danger or even perhaps to enhance the erotic.  These moments in the writing are used as springboards for us to speculate or join with the protagnoist exploring emotional issues.  he is clearly profoundly affected as a young man both by his mother abandoning him (and his father) and by his subsequent perception of his father as a monster whom he in turn abandons when he leaves the country and comes to London.

All of these observations can only be made after completely reading the novel - and many of them only after a little time to digest it.  So I fully recommend this fine first novel to anyone who chances upon this post in my blog.  And if anyone can comment and add their own opinions, well that too is most welcome!

14 February

Ode to a burglary

Come on you burglers

Come and have a go

Take every thing I own

I’m a Quaker so

that’s OK….

 

The riches of my spirit

far outweigh your karma

if you want to hurt me

You’ll have to try harder

 

Come on all you burglars

You got my daughter’s DS

now you really shouldn’t

Mess with my princess

 

Come on all you burglars

show me your face somehow

I may be a Quaker

But I could kill you now

 

All the stuff you have is tainted

You can have it all

But frightening my daughter

You really didn’t oughta

 

That made it personal

that made me care

Makes me see your life as worthless

But I can’t go there

 

We’ll get our home back

we have our love

You have some stuff

and when you go above

You’re going to fucking pay for this in ways you never could imagine you fucking bastard.

 

Sorry I’m a Quaker

What I meant to say

was God bless and I feel sorry for you

and listen to a voice inside next time

Just LEAVE THE DS, OK?!

 

30 October

car child lock trouble!

quickie update | Yesterday - 1:02am
not going to pimp my blog as hard in this post, you’ll have to type didactic.me if you want to peek, it was broken for a week or so but is back now.

This journal is rather a brief update on the problem child of my current (OKC) partner. I think I said he has a psych assessmend on the 6th November, and I’ll probably make my last OKC journal entry thereafter for a final feedback to those that commented and to hear what more they may have to say depending then.

In the meanwhile I have a lot more insight into the poor lad. He was so badly beaten by the father that even if I only raise my voice I can see the fear in his eyes. It’s hard to get through that.

Add to the mix a piece of fairly recent behaviour where I take him and his brother and my daughter to meet their mum at the station. We go to the car to go home. He does not want to go in the car (remember, we drove there in the first place). Mum was late, we’re all cold and hungry. I bundle him into backseat with mum and bro…. about 500 yeard down the road he fights and makes such a fuss he manages to open the car door enough to trigger my dashboard warning light. I perform emergency stop, decant boy and mum, telling him that maybe a walk home will teach him a lesson (they caught the bus in the end). I later find he has run across the road and thrown his clothes off after I left!

Anyway, later I find the crucial information (which I did not have) that mum had apparently promised him not to have to go in my car from the child minders!

There’s a caution or two in there - thought it worth sharing.

31 August

Parents, partnerships, ponderings and pooh!….

 | Aug 31
…please pardon pretentious posting aliteration!

Wordplay aside I find myself facing some serious “issues” and concerns. It is hard for me to pin this down to one thing, so I shall have to ramble but I hope I bring out some points which invite comment as I have found (see two posts back) that some of the advice (or perspectives more like) I get on OKC is really helpful input. Let me make clear upfront that my partner and I have talked extensively about all of this - she reads my journal and like it that she is able to, but nothing I say here should come as any “news” to her!

Well in the context of my fledgling relationship my partner has two young boys (7 and 10) which is fine and dandy because my own daughter is also 7 (I mentioned this a couple of posts back probably). Anyway, it seems we have pretty much opposite approaches in our parenting, and I recently expressed the view that this gave us great opportunities to learn from one another. My partners a little reticent or defensive, at least less outspoken than me, so I am really not sure if she shares this view. So when I feel upbeat that’s my point of view, but if I am down I start wondering if parenting conflicts are a “deal breaker” for relationships.

An upside to this is it makes me completely understanding of my partners position concerning her younger “problem” child (see prior post).

A downside is it leaves me pondering where we are going because I guess when you get older in a relationship you may raise your expectations and be on the look out for repeats of things that caused prior relationships not to work out.

Putting the ramblings to one side there is also one very specific point about my partners younger boy which is an issue… and I am speaking from concern for HIM and nothing else. Even though he has been at school for two or three years and so forth he still has to wear nappies overnight and will soil himself on regular basis during the day too - it has happened at school frequently and even at the dinner table! Apparently he manages to keep it a sort of secret at school because the teachers cannot tell which child (I find this hard to believe and would talk with the teachers and see if they can offer him cleaning facilities and let him carry spare clothing- but I am not at all sure mum would go there). Here we have a great example of our diametrically opposite views on parenting, because Mum treats it as a very private matter, not to be discusssed with him or dwelt on really. I would rather talk about it with him, be open on the subject, and investigate what the underlying causes may be. I would be making him take entire reponsibility for cleaning himself and dealing with the mess, and perhaps a little air freshener and an appology would not go amiss! Mum would rather no one knew about it (clearly impossible when the smell gets too bad though!). There’s not much doubt that his “father” was a massive factor (without going into too much detail he beat the boy and mother, police were involved, etc etc. Thankfully he is now out of the country).

I have spoken with my sister about this because she has three boys herself, and she is totally of the opinion that professional help is the most urgent priority. I had already been very insistent to my partner that this was also appropriate (family counselling or similar for what is effectively a post traumatic situation). There are side issues of possible AD/Aspies/Autism; but to me the lad just looks like a bright, sporty, cheeky, youthful kid who overly seeks (and gets) attention from his mum. I have no angle on that other than a feeling it is not good for him to be spoilt - yet I totally relate and understand because I do it myself with my daughter - the difference being I am not in sole custody of her and she has no older sibling.

So in this specific instance I want to take complementary action, or have mum do so, because the poor lad clearly neeeds help! Are there any professionals reading this with input? Any parents with similar issues? Be great to hear if there is anything to be done and what the best approach might be…